Full Time ALL the Time

No - this is not a 'work, life, balance' post.  I wouldn't do that.  In fact - if I see one more of those blog titles I might lose my mind.  

Time and time again, I find myself searching in the depths of those blog titles thinking - 'oh! she has the answer!' or 'he has to know how to balance this all out, right?!!' - and honestly? they are filled with listing ideas, tea recipes, yoga advice and 'just breath', like I haven't been doing that already.

The one thing they are almost always missing - honesty.  It's tough people.  Being full time, all the time.  This space sees it the most - the neglect.  For me, it's about letting go.

Letting go of the assumption that it gets easier.  The tough days are part of the reward and it gets tougher and more consuming.  But that's just it - it's consuming.  And letting go of the hefty, weightiness that it is a bad thing to be consumed is a freeing experience. 

Not going to lie - this realization followed a LOT of heart ache and yoga practice, but it happens.  So I guess I did follow some of their advice (*wink).  On the flip side, being full time ALL the time (the point of this post) has it's perks.  Like watching your child work on a tune with his father - who is also full time ALL the time.

side note - these shots are priceless.  the studio they are in was built by Rick's father (Soren's Papaw).  Rick spent evenings here with his dad, not much older than Soren - when he was working on it.  now Rick works there; 3 generations on those wood floors.

Here he is in his first recording session.  The tune will be featured on Around Cincinnati's Holiday Special by Lee Hay.  The song is ridiculous amounts of adorable.  I can't wait to share it with you all!  He was so proud and SO brave.

one of the side effects of being the kiddo of two full time recording engineers - you end up on one of their records eventually.  he proudly explained the whole process to everyone.  

16/52

'A portrait a week of my children, once a week, every week, in 2015'

This guy - this face.  I can't count how many times I've encountered that menacing brow.  Love it! 

(don't think it's menacing, look below *wink)

so much personality and all boy.  As gross as mealtime can turn into - it still cracks me up.  

15/52

'A portrait a week of my children, once a week, every week, in 2015'

Sitting back and watching play happen.  Priceless. 

Can't get over the 'bro-tank' as his babysitter would say.  So focused in play.  Thank you Spring for giving us sunshine and warmer temps.

Soren Says...

Warning - extreme heart melt here.

Two days ago, and no - I will never forget this, Soren was determined to eat the Mango, the ONE Mango we had.  

'Momma, please slice the Mango, it's ready.  It's ripe!' (me having just sat down with a nice cup of tea - mind you, he'd just eaten a HUGE lunch).

'Bud - I will cut it up before the sitter gets here and you can have it then.  You are getting ready to leave anyway.'

A bit of a fuss - but completely understood.  And yes - he was about to leave.

Upon return.

'Hi Momma!!  Can I have that Mango now?'

'Yep!  I will go slice it!'

I proceed to slice up the Mango and he happily prances off with it in a bowl.  I sit down next to him on the couch and give him a smooch on the head.  He responds by grabbing my hand and saying (warning, here it comes),

'I am going to give you 10 smooches!!!'

and proceeds with 10 smooches on the hand.  Counting after each one.  Then I ask,

'Is that because I finally cut up your Mango for you???'

he says, mater of fact,

'No.  It's because you're my Momma and I love you so much.'

and without skipping a beat - returns to devouring his Mango.  My heart was a puddle of motherly goo.

The Journey

'We've been so busy...Sorry I haven't gotten around to...Yikes - last week was like a whirlwind!' 

These lines have graced the blog far too often these days.  What I keep forgetting about is the journey.

I've been listening to some Alan Watts lately and this one in particular really hit me (thank you Rick):

It isn't about the possibility of a Grammy or the finished CD product - it's really the journey getting there.  The obstacles to overcome - the tuning, editing, mixing and mastering.  It's about studying what makes a mix more than listenable - but moving.  Like Joe said to Rick and I during the recording of the project

'it's all theater.  People don't really want the moment they experienced, they want something better!'.  That's my job, day in and day out.

Creating something meaningful and moving.  Something that grabs the attention of listeners.  And through that, is a process.  A complicated, involved - very personal process.  It's quite a journey.  So in the midst of stressful deadlines and final products, Watts and Henry remind me to stay inside of the journey.  Not let my mind wander from the beauty that is the process.  

It's not about the product and what that brings - because when you get there, you are left with the same bag of meaning (or meaningless) as before if you're void during the journey.

With Soren - it's about every moment.  Every trial and tribulation.  Celebrating my moments raising a human being - watching him become his own person.  Not if he will go to college, or back pack through Europe, etc... Those things will come in their own time.

My 2015 is truly becoming about the journey.  My moments with Soren, work and personal life.  I don't want to be 40 and a part of the hoax.  I want to sing and dance WHILE the music is being played.