Parenting - Technology, the New Drug

I took a step back this weekend and saw my children in a different light.  They are drug addicts!!!

This image is taken from a great Chicago Tribune article about the adverse effects screens are having on children's eyesight, which is pretty severe.  In addition to macular degeneration associated with the blue light emitted from the screen. &…

This image is taken from a great Chicago Tribune article about the adverse effects screens are having on children's eyesight, which is pretty severe.  In addition to macular degeneration associated with the blue light emitted from the screen.  

The new drug?  Technology (iPad, iPhone, Tablet, TV, etc…).

The next time your child is playing on a tablet, phone, or video game console – take it away and see what happens.  In my experience?   MAJOR melt downs with crying, yelling, screaming, more crying and then the pleading.   All over a piece of technology.  Being in the Police Academy, I’ve learned this behavior is disturbingly similar to addicts once their substance of choice has been revoked.

When I was growing up and you wanted to play, it was simple - you went outside.  My parents created a system call “Chips”.  You would do your chores and other odd jobs around the house to earn these “Chips”, which then purchased your “screen time”.  It was by far, the most effective system I have seen as of yet (now a parent myself).  I strived every week to obtain my screen time “Chips”, which I “chip-pinched” and saved for rainy days when going outside wasn’t an option. 

We, as a society and generation, have grown up with technology.  Most of us remember the development of the current technologies we have today (the first iPod, mp3 player, etc…).  Our children do not, they haven’t grown up without or in anticipation of the life-like graphics they get today.  It’s instantly at their fingertips.  As such, they’ve been robbed of imagination. The ability to create with originality, experiment – play without parameters.  As Catherine Steiner-Adair, psychologist and author of The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age says:

"They need time to daydream, deal with anxieties, process their thoughts and share them with parents, who can provide reassurance."

The next time a child asks to play on their technologic device, bust out the dusty Legos, a board game, a science project, or a game of hide-and-seek and present that to them instead.  You’ll be surprised how much they would rather play with you than a touch screen.

authored by Trent Crutcher

Final Five - January

Now that we are a brood of three, I've decided to change things up a bit - plus it's been 3 years of awesome portraits every week and change is good.  This year, I introduce the Final Five (which seems super appropriate since they are five years old!).  

At the end of every month, I will choose five photos of the kids to share.  They may be of all three, a few of each and a combo,  all single shots or something the kids enjoy doing.  I'm looking forward to the mix of shots.

At the end of the year we are going to put together an album together from each month.  I can't wait to see how it comes together.  The kids are really into it too.  Maybe we could get some contributions from them as well!

Here are January's Final Five:

authored by Chelsea Crutcher

Emotions for Kids (or Adults *wink)

Teaching emotions, really getting into the nitty gritty about them.  Something, as parents (GUILTY!) I feel we are quick to dismiss.  Instead we discipline outbursts (don't hit your brother!), try to understand what a tantrum is over (5 minute 'turn' timer for toys) or instruct 'better' language use.

Here is link to the download from Kori at Home.  This is a great mom blog I've only begun to look into!

Instead of:

'that's so weird, right?' no, it's 'different, not weird.  And everyone is different, we celebrate our differences'.  

Good response, but not always appropriate.  Instead of reading it as word confusion, why not emotional response?  A translation for an emotion?  Why the exclusion or necessity to point out a 'different' behavior as irregular?

And words - can cut worse than a knife (as my mother used to say, I had quite the tongue as a child and I'm noticing some of the same behaviors with the kids).  We have brute - the hitting and stomping as translation for emotion in addition - words 'I'm not listening to you anymore.' or 'that just looks weird' (with a super snide inflection).  We encourage the kids to talk in place of hitting, but sometimes these words hurt worse than any punch they've taken.  And you can see it in their faces.  The defeat - the exclusion.  

Initial reaction?  Correct the speaking terms.  Try to figure out where this learned behavior is coming from.  I'm realizing that's not going deep enough.  What if it's a coping mechanism?  What if this is their way of expressing anger, sadness, loneliness, confusion, etc...?  So I went on a search for emotion cards and found these and this great site.  

This is another really good one with a chart that encourages kids to log their emotions for the day.  I am planning on laminating, cutting and putting these on a key ring for durability.  I can't wait to try them out!

I'm kicking myself for not thinking of this earlier.  Our kids are going through a huge change in their lives.  I can't even imagine how confusing and out of control they must feel.  I can't wait to get started with these.  Trent and I are already coming up with ways to use them in the home.  It was suggested to do role playing games for the emotions to make it a fun learning experience.  I think the kids will really enjoy that. 

Hubs, don't be surprised if I break these out with our next argument *wink.  Because don't we, as adults - fall into the same traps as our children?  We are all students. 

authored by Chelsea Crutcher

Defeating the role of "Step-Dad"

One of the hardest things that I’ve run into in my time as being the “Step-Dad”, is the stereo type and bias that comes with the title. The notion that you are just a replacement, that your “Step-Child” isn’t actually YOUR child.  That you must toe the line between trying to please everyone and trying to be the Father figure you want to be.  Luckily, I have a very loving and supportive wife who is willing to call me out (in private, not conflicting authority in front of the kids) and confront me when she feels that I’ve crossed these boundaries, but is also willing to let me step past the stereotypical role of “Step-Dad”.

no need for a gym membership when you are 'daddy playground' to three five-year-old boys.

My biggest struggle has been making sure that I am treating my “Step-Son” as just that, a Son.  I constantly have to check myself.  Am I being too hard on him?  Am I treating him differently?  Am I treating him fairly?  All of these questions and more run through my head with every decision I make when interacting with Soren.

the boys are so strong I didn't have to cut the tree down - they pushed it to the ground!  all those push ups for 'every toy still left out' have paid off *wink

As such, I have slowly come to see him AS my Son and have learned a few things on this journey.  But what I propose to any other Step-Dads out there, are these few things I have learned and the many things I still have yet to learn:

1:  Establish your role as Step-Father

  • You don’t want to try to replace the Bio-Dad

  • Be a safe place

2:  Involve your new Step-Child

  • Include him in your daily routines

  • Create new routines for just the two of you

3:  Work with your partner

  • No one knows your Step-Child like your partner (they are the biological parent after all)

  • Talk about the boundaries and values you wish to instill

And lastly, and by far I think to be the most important… stop thinking of yourself as “Step-Dad”!

The definition of a Dad: dad [dad]  NOUN1. Informal -- one’s father
The definition of a Father: father [fa'ther]  NOUN1. D. -- A man who raises a child

So by definition, are you not your Step-Child’s Father, and your Step-Child not - your Child?

authored by Trent Crutcher

Around Here - Learning

Always learning we are (how very Yoda of my grammar is).  Apologies for the slap happy humor.  Hanging out with three five year old boys has that effect.

We are sustaining around here - getting into a groove with our new schedules.  Truly enjoying time together - the boys love, fight and laugh the typical quota - make me laugh as hard as a mother can laugh (and let's be honest, cry), mediate and snuggle.  We have parent/teacher conferences this week which are a hoot with Kindergartner/Pre-Schoolers (I also say things like 'rice and beans' and 'oh shucks', yep).  The kids are all reading us bedtime stories which is super rad, constructing like crazy and constantly begging for more time to run outside (even with fevers - they are certifiably crazy and eating us out of house and home 'MOOOOOOORE!!!').

I am still learning how to snag time to myself - which ultimately means waking up early.  Like EARLY, early.  I will repeat the learning and 'working on it' part.  But I do feel the difference and it's pretty astounding.  Reading this gem and drinking plenty of tea.  

Watching my coffee and caffeine intake has really aided with my crabby attitude in the middle of the day.  I'm sustaining energy more than I used to.  Not sure if it's just a 'my' body thing or a science, thoughts?  Maybe more on that in the future.

Been blog perusing as usual and came across these favorites:

1.  This first tattoo is beautiful.  I love the simple lines and floral design.

2.  My grandfather was just diagnosed with cancer and fighting strongly through his first rounds of Chemo.  I look forward to reading this book and getting some perspective.

3.  This video is hilarious.  I know people just like this #instagramhusband

4.  Really really really (did I say really?) want to make this calendar for our family.  WE NEED IT!!! MUST HAVE IT!!! Our next DIY if I ever get the robes done.

5.  Making this gem tonight for dinner.  Thank you Deb for your incredible recipes and helping me feed children all these years.  They LOVE this one.

That's all I've got for now.  Have a good week!