Kiddos Say - 'Not In Real Life'

This is so good.  And shows SO much of the kid's personalities.

The twins went to the Museum Center and were telling Soren and I about the model train station of the city of Cincinnati.  I asked if they'd seen the incline.  I wasn't sure, but thought it was either Clifton's or Mt Adam's.  Mayer wasn't sure and Marley asked me what it was.  I explained it.  Marley proceeded with :

MR:  'That sounds neat.  But it didn't exist.'

Me:  'But it did.  Really it did.  That's how they were able to get home from downtown.  The hills were too big for horses or to walk.  They still use these in other states and countries!'

MR:  'I know.  But that never existed here.  Not in Cincinnati.  Not in real life.'

Me:  'But how would they have gotten their groceries home?'

MA:  'Right, bubs.  They'd be WAAAAAY to heavy to carry.  It is REAL!'

Me:  'A bike maybe?'

SP:  'Nah.  It'd still be too heavy.  The hill is TOO big!  It's real.  Really, real.  You'd get way too tired. '

MR:  'No.  It's not real.  Not in real life.  Not ever.'

This conversation lasted all the way to Findlay Market - a 15 minute drive.  The three of us ended up shrugging our shoulders after Marley said:

MR:  'I'm not talking to you guys (SP and MA) anymore, I'm having a conversation with myself.'

And proceeded to tell himself 'it didn't exist here in Cincinnati.  Not in real life'.  Marley's tenacity is incredible.  I admire it.  When he has his mind made up, there is no convincing him otherwise.  Even with stone cold evidence.  Like this picture:

The other two are just as strong willed in their own ways, obviously since the conversation lasted 15 minutes.  

This also reminds me of the Louis C.K. skit about his 3-year-old (which is hilarious, but warning, there is profanity).  He offers his daughter a 'Fig Newton'.  She says - 'They're not called Fig Newtons, they are called PIG Newtons!'  He responds with 'No honey.  They are called FIG newtons.'  She says 'No!  You don't know!  You don't know!  They are called Pig Newtons!'.  He responds with 'Oh really? I don't know?  I don't know? Dude, I'm not even using my memory right now.  I'm reading the box! It says it!!  Where are you getting your information on this one?!  You are three, I am 41!!'.    

His explanation though, how it didn't 'exist in real life', does remind me of this Key and Peele.  'He is short.  But you are actually short - in real life, in the world.'  Totally unrelated but hilarious.

Parenting - Taking Care of Me

A little while back, I came across a post in my Facebook news feed about parenting with grace, from a mother frustrated with her own ungraceful parenting moment.  And in the media, there is this great article about a mother currently under praise and scrutiny for her honesty.  These got me thinking.

Why is that?  Why not embrace the honesty of parental experience?  Why should it be such an anomaly?  And thank you!  To the mothers so willing to share.  It’s tough peeps.   

I’m female (duh) so I can only provide a woman’s perspective (apologies men - but you have your blogs too) - and sociologically as women, today - we parent, we wife, partner, spouse or single parent, we cook, clean and keep a house - and work.  At least from my experience.  And I’ve learned that many of these are my ‘isms’.  I love having a tidy home, a warm home cooked meal with my family each evening, watching the kids grow and help them when they ask.  I love talking to my husband - hearing about his day.  And between all of that I work - full time.  

So, here is the million dollar question.  Do I get time? heh, learning.  What I’ve realized and not on my own - with the help of an incredible counselor and my husband - is that I have to MAKE the time - the dishes can wait.  It’s up to me really.  To put my foot down and say ‘no’ (nope - not good at this), carve out certain times of the day for me (guiltlessly.  psh - yeah right?!) and scream for help (our code word is ‘KEEP! KEEP!’ which makes me chuckle before I lose my sanity).  And when I ask for it - be prepared to instruct.  Because if I’m not present, then it shows. Quite ungracefully.

I notice it most when my constant repetitive instruction comes into play, you know - ‘so and so - please, go grab such and such’, ‘don’t put that chair over there’, ‘fold that blanket, please’, ‘get ready to go, I’ve said it three times?!!’, (mumble) 'or you could wash the dishes', etc….  Some call it nagging and with my husband it becomes passive aggressive (bleh!).  When I am full - when I have taken care of myself, fed my soul - instructions are constructive.  Cooperative.  We work together and with that pride, joy and warmth exude.  We are a team.  It's also important for the kids to see what it means to take care of yourself so you can unselfishly, empathetically - whole heartedly with intention - be there for someone else.

So I am learning (mostly without grace.  you know what? screw this grace thing - malarky) to take care of myself.  Read, blog, take pictures, drink a WARM cup of tea in guiltless silence, really watch my family at dinner, be a part of the arts (check out this Cincinnati Ballet video - breathtaking, I've watched it twice already) - talk to my family.  These are me.  I am a mother, an audio engineer, a wife - but above all, I am Chelsea.  I am me.

Married Life - In the Service

Being married to a Serviceman.  Honestly, not a path I would have predicted for myself years ago.  Both married AND to a serviceman.  

I wasn't the 10 year old girl that dreamed of her princess dress and every detail of the day she would be wed.  I was imagining myself in surgeon scrubs (which clearly never happened) or on archeological digs discovering the next big fossil.  Which I attribute to my nose being stuck in books, my mother's continued lecturing about being self-sufficient (thank you!) and watching my father's insatiable work ethic.

But I've already covered the wedding.  This is about who (or whom - Peyton, grammar help??) I have married.  My husband served 4 years active duty in the Army as a Cavalry Scout in Hawaii (don't ask me to say this in person.  I often say 'Cav Scout' since I can't properly pronounce 'Cavalry'.  Just doesn't roll off the tongue for me.) and is now serving his second and last year in the National Guard while in the Cincinnati Police Academy. He has traveled all over the world training with different country's militaries and now travels once a month to an Armory to continue his service with the Guard.  I will let him share his perspective on that one.

My husband chose the original Army dress greens for our wedding.  Along with a Stetson and Spurs - Cavalry Scout formals.  He wears his service proudly as he finishes his last year with the National Guard and continues his career as a Police Officer.  My brother, behind him spent countless hours becoming a Paramedic and now saves lives  He puts himself in situations that are difficult for us to hear.  Like my husband, he does this proudly..

And...no.  We weren't married during his time in Hawaii.  I don't even pretend to walk in those shoes.  Raising two children on an army base far from home with their father on training missions several weeks out of the year.  No, my time comes after that.  I hear the stories.  I see the frustration.  I witness the wisdom that came from those years.  

We ask civilians (men and women) to give their lives, under contract, for our freedom, liberties and rights.  For little pay and respect.  I am not pointing fingers, I know many in this country support our troops.  But what does that even mean?  Putting a sticker or magnet on a car?   Or a sincere conversation about what it takes to serve, what it means to those that do and the families that support them both during and after their service.  Like how long it takes to get health care bills paid or receiving academic funds for books after the semester is completed.  My husband said recently that he believes everyone should serve in some capacity.  Then politicians, upper administration and civilians would have perspective on what it means to be a Servicemen.

A year ago.  I would have adimately disagreed.  Now - I feel very differently.  According to the New York Times and Pew Research Center

'less than 1 percent of the Amercian population has been on active military duty.'  

This is a pretty astounding gap.  But the result is

'a military far less connected to the rest of society, a condition that some academics have said might not bode well for the future of military-civilian relations (the military is run by civilians).  Others have warned that less connection between the military and the rest of society could lead to less-informed decisions about whether to go to war, because conflicts and the people who fight them are not part of most people's everyday lives.'

This doesn't mean everyone should run out and join Combat Arms.  No, that's not what I'm saying.  But to have known someone that has chosen that path and continues to serve now as a Policeman (or sister of a Paramedic) grants serious perspective.

There is much more to discuss such as pay (most Servicemen make salaries below the poverty line), lifestyle (the dependapotamus, yes - this is a thing), and how Servicemen are treated after active duty.  More on that to come.  All comments welcome - it's a discussion not just worth having but necessary.

Kiddos Say - Blending Families

Initially this post was going to be about blending families but I thought since it started with something the 'kiddos' said it needed to be in that category as well, because the blog will now feature kiddos and what the Kiddos Say (as we have become a house hold of three brilliant, witty, creative little brains instead of one).

Blending our family will also be a common theme.  I toiled on sharing such an intimate and personal experience with the web.  But after researching, reading, scanning other blogs and articles - I realized that this is an important subject and ANY information (good, bad or challenging) is appreciated (particularly by me).

So, what did the kiddos say?  Let me preface this with the fact that our kids - say just about anything.  And I absolutely ADORE the fact that they will ask us any question, no matter how awkward, difficult or off-putting it may be.  So....

MR:  'Daddy? Ms. Chelsea? Bubby is my real brother and Soren is my step-brother.  Right?'
Me: Stammering for the right words (which I've now learned is horrible.  Be 110% on these valuable responses.  They travel a long way and being completely sure is incredibly important for not only the kids, but yourself), my husband interjects - beautifully.
Trent:  'No.  Soren is your real brother.  You are all brothers.  This is our family.  Bubby is your biological brother.'
MR:  'What is biological?'
And so proceeds that conversation - with ALL the children listening intently.

And this is just how we treat them.  Trent and I talk about this just about every evening (also critical, you must be on the SAME page when blending families with children).  How we are doing, how are the kids coping, how are they developing - the good and challenging, what can we do better (and then we chuckle about their 'isms', discuss their beautiful individuality and complimentary behaviors).  We want them to create a bond.  It's so important to us.  So we treat them like brothers.  Because that is what they are.  No less.  And Soren?  He's elated.  To say he loves having brothers is an understatement.  Not that they don't fight!  And trust me, they do - like boys.  

But how Trent approached this question was brilliant.  He was patient and understanding.  Calm and sure.  I was so grateful he was there in that moment and it didn't take me long to put together how and who he may have had in mind.  Himself with his brothers and sisters.  My husband was adopted by two incredible people and a warm, loving family.  And I couldn't see them handling this discussion any differently.  His siblings are his real siblings.  His parents are his parents.  Period.  It's that simple.  

Being a part of this family - I see it.  As an outsider coming in.  You would never know it any other way.  I hope for that with our kids.  That they will have that bond and we are strong enough to help harness that for them.

Motherhood - Music

I've been meaning to write this blog for a few weeks now.  I've been working on quite a few projects as of late (with Elaine Martone - an extreme pleasure to work with!) which means I have to spend a lot of time in ear buds around the kids or away from them.  It gets tough.  

But then I run across a piece I'm editing and I get that chill.  You know moms, that one.  When suddenly you remember what it was like to hold your baby for the first time.  The cuddles at night when they are afraid, the unconditional snuggles, the last time all three were piled in your lap vying for huggable space.

I'm fortunate.  This music thing has been a part of my life since I can remember and it's what I do and very much who I am. So when I am at work, detached physically from the kids - I get to have an emotional connection to my motherhood.  I can't wait to share the record I am wrapping up currently.  But for now - I will rely on Spotify to give a taste of what motherhood feels like musically to me.  These are Corelli Variations for Piano by Rachmaninoff.  

Variation 14 reminds me of Soren's infancy.  The newness of being a mother.  The 15th is like a lullaby - I think of what it means to be the parent of three.  Watching them grow - how fast it moves and remembering to breath and take it all in.  I've included the slow movement from Brahm's first piano Concerto (played by Hélène Grimaud.  Do yourself a large musical favor and check out some of her other works).  Then Dvorák's New World.  The Largo is breathtaking.  My favorite reminder of what motherhood is like for me.

The last may seem out of place but is important.  This is the lullaby my husband sings the children every night as we settle from our busy days into a massive cuddled mess.  I love to hear his voice rock the kids to sleep.  I hum along, grateful for our family.